Stars: Audrey Hepburn, Gregory Peck
Rated: NR
Released: 1953
What I “know”: Audrey Hepburn takes a holiday. In Rome? With Gregory Peck? Because ageism is a thing that happens in movies and so nubile young women get to fall in love with old men? And I say that as someone who LOVES “Gone With the Wind” more than life. Meh, I just googled both and he was 37 to her 24 when this was released, so maybe it’s not AS gross as like a 50-year-old, but she still looked 17 and it’s still a little skeevetastic.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “Princess Ann leaves her guardians, and while in Rome, she’s taken under the wing of tabloid writer Joe and his photographer sidekick. She thinks the boys don’t know who she really is, but they’re onto (sic) her — and sense a sensational story.” You know, I put the (sic) in there for the typo of onto vs. on to, but from the images I saw while picking one to top this, I feel like “onto” might be right after all. Gross. Sorry. I will say, skeevometer aside, I am very excited about this movie. I love old-timey romantic comedies, and I need something light and fun after my last few movies for this blog. Heeeere we go. #slickrick
00:13: “Presenting Gregory Peck?” This wasn’t his first movie. Why is he being presented? Isn’t that like “introducing?” Feels weird. Edit: Thank you, Wikipedia. “Peck’s contract gave him solo star billing, with newcomer Hepburn listed much less prominently in the credits. Halfway through the filming, Peck suggested to Wyler that he elevate her to equal billing—an almost unheard-of gesture in Hollywood.”
2:03: Her wave is everything. Like not the stiff, beauty queen wave, but like an “I couldn’t care less so I’m just kind of bobbling my wrist at you peasants” wave. Bless you, Princess Ann.
I went to go look for a clip of just her wave (YouTube has some weird stuff, don’t judge me) and THIS WAS THE TRAILER. I mean, it’s obviously done after the movie was released since it mentions her Academy Award win, but lord, this is amazing. They just call him Greg!
2:35: There’s a band running through the streets while playing. Step up your game, HS marching bands.
3:30: God, she was a stunningly beautiful woman.
5:11: No wonder she ran. I’m exhausted just watching her greet like eight of these people.
6:11: I mean, her shoe has a nice thick heel, but it’s still a heel. Bless her for kicking it off. And screw the judgmental hoity-toities who are sitting around her, judging her when it’s out there for show. Take yours off too! Do as the royals do! I’m torn on the guy who helped her though … sure, he helped her get her shoe on. But then he made her dance in the Shoes of Death!
10:00: Getting a little Scarlett O’Hara in her tantrum. Loving it. The launch into it was … not the best acting I’ve ever seen? But I love a thrashing rich girl complaining about being given things. And I did laugh at her “Thank you” “No thank you” string.
16:48: Doped-up princess just cut through someone’s horse-drawn carriage! That takes longer than just going around. Calm yourself, crazy girl.
17:00: That is the smallest poker table I’ve ever seen.
22:39: Her wave was everything. Now the taxi driver is everything. “Three bambinos. You know bambinos? Hmm hmm *waaaaaaaah*” I love him. I hope he shows up again.
28:32: I feel like this isn’t the first time ol’ Joe has had to babysit someone who was without their full faculties. His reflexes are strong. AND I laughed out loud at least three times. I like!
30:13: When he flipped her out of the bed and on to the couch, I half-expected her to not be wearing the bottoms since she had asked earlier about sleeping in pajamas, but only the tops. Sadly, she’s fully dressed. She also has all his blankets now. This was not well thought out by Joe.
33:27: Joe bullshitting to his boss is all of us, at one point or another.
39:01: “I plan to enter her sick room disguised as a thermometer.” Oh, Joe. You rascal, you.
39:30: Gregory Peck looks like if someone spliced the DNA of Drew Scott (“Property Brothers”) with Topher Grace. It’s really weird.
46:52: HAHAAHA she felt for the bottoms of the pajamas once she came to. Perfect.
49:16: I don’t know if this is a royal thing or a 50’s thing, but lady, you’re in pajamas from head to foot. You don’t need to walk backward into the bathroom so he can’t see your pajama-clad booty.
52:30: How long was Joe on the phone that his cleaning lady berated his houseguest AND cleaned the whole joint before he got back? Bad time management, Joe.
55:15: I like that Joe has a little stalker in him.
59:47: I like a little less that he’s creepy with kids and tries to steal stuff from them.
1:06:25: “It was the 40th anniversary of the m…of the day he got his job.” This is the face of someone who thinks they’re more clever than they are:
1:09:38: Irving is an idiot. You can’t say “I can take a hint” and then steadfastly refuse to take the hint. Idiot. Then again, the princess isn’t real bright either, but I do cut her some slack for being sheltered and not speaking American English slang.
1:10:47: “We can’t go running around town with the hot princess!” OK, on that point Irving is markedly smarter than Joe.
1:13:30: Where’d they get a scooter? Where’s Irving? He just blew off his girlfriend and ran after them and they just ditched him? Poor Irving. Always gets cut out of the fun scenes.
1:13:49: Well, they found Irving. He must have taken a taxi. Hope he got the same driver!
1:14:35: Nope, never mind, he’s in the weirdest car ever. It’s like it’s a rolltop desk, in mini-car form. Europe is weird. And he is a very unsafe driver, standing up and turning around to take a picture … My AAA mobile app would not give him very good scores for that part.
1:15:44: Women drivers, amirite?
1:17:05: Why was the whole scene with the cops silent? I’d love to know why being a reporter gets you excused from crimes. Seriously, I’d love to know. Please?
1:17:30: Did she just totally gloss over the fact he’s a reporter? Seriously? Silly girl.
1:19:45: Face on the wall: “I’ve just been violated by a 37-year-old man and his teenage crush. FML.”
1:20:03: OK, so in the rolltop car, Ol’ Joe is standing up in the back, reaches over the top to open the door from the outside while still being inside the car, then folds himself into fifths to squeeze out the door instead of just, I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here, but STEPPING OUT OF THE BACK OF THE DAMN CAR.
1:29:30: This fight scene on the boat and dock between the undercovers and our raggedy protagonists is AMAZING.
1:30:10: Fine, Irving won me over with the “Hit ’em again, Smitty!” part.
1:30:41: I also laughed at the police pulling the one guy out by the guitar over his head. I love these kinds of movies!
1:32:03: Hey Joe, rather than plant your giant face on hers, maybe a good first step would have been to cover your bases with a “What was that all about?” or a “Why were those guys trying to kidnap you?” Yeesh.
1:33:03: Joe sees her in a paisley, silky robe: “Suits you. You should always wear my clothes.” “Seems I do.” Lord, why does he have a robe like that?
1:34:56: So he just casually drops he’ll move to a place with a kitchen so she can cook for him … Does he really see this ending with them living a dream life? She’s a royal on the lam. You can’t just live the next 40 years like she’s not.
1:38:57: Forget everything I just wrote. Joe, you hightail it out of there with her still in the car. DO IT FOR 24-HOUR LOVE.
1:44:14: Nope, Irving’s a buffoon. HOW IS HE NOT GETTING THIS. “Hmm my friend had chemistry with the princess, she’s not here any more, he doesn’t want to write the story … what could be the reason?”
1:51:28: This is way better than the press conference in “Notting Hill,” which was just a nightmare.
vs.
1:56:13: That last moment, with the tears welling up in her eyes … gah.
Well THAT was a melancholy ending. I know it couldn’t happen, but I still wanted her to run after him. This is my second-favorite movie of the ones I’ve done for this blog, and that’s only because I’m 99 percent sure nothing will touch “All the President’s Men.” But what a delightful little romp this was. I love silly miscommunications and sight gags and misdirections. When I finally finish the like 170 movies on my queue in 2048, I will go back and watch all the other 1950s movies just because. This was a great call, and much love to whatever friend put this on my list. I owe you.
Next up: Wuthering Heights!
No Comments