The movie: “A Clockwork Orange”
Stars: Malcolm McDowell
Rated: R
Released: 1971
What I “know”: It’s apparently going to really mess with my mind, as three different people all asked if I really wanted to start here on my journey. It involves a mental institution, either inside it or about someone who escaped. It’s listed as a crime/drama/sci-fi, sooo … well, that doesn’t really tell me much. So yeah, that’s it.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “Against a bleak futuristic landscape, young sociopath Alex DeLarge spends his time stealing, raping and beating innocent people in nihilistic orgies of violence, all in an attempt to get his nightly kicks.” Ummmmm this is officially the least excited I’ve been about the use of the word “orgies” in a movie blurb in ever. I really want to go back to bed, but I’m going to carry on.
7:44 a.m. I know Malcolm McDowell as the crazy boss on “Franklin and Bash” (shut up, it was good) and from the “Totes Magotes” ad. I don’t want my eccentric grandpa figure to become a nightmare.
7:48 a.m. This intro music is very unsettling.
7:49 a.m. Someone needs to teach Malcolm how to apply false eyelashes.
7:50 a.m. Are the codpieces ever explained? Or is this just a really “creative” costuming choice. P.S. You could get like $10K for that table nowadays.
7:51 a.m. I know I’m getting older when my first real thought isn’t “Is that glitter on the vagina of the table?” but “Oooh a milk bar sounds nice.”
7:54 a.m. Body count: 1
7:55 a.m. Boob count: 2
7:57 a.m. Man, do I love me some old-time fight scenes in movies. Actually, any fight scene in a movie. People jumping through windows 10 feet off the ground with no known methods of propulsion. Tables and chairs exploding on contact (this part also applies to wrestling). HAHAHAH THE SPECIAL EFFECTS AS THEY’RE DRIVING. And the use of the word “gutty-wuts.” My new fear is not that I’ll be afraid, but that I’ll root for Alex.
7:58 a.m It took me a second to realize they’re driving on the wrong side. #american
8:01 a.m. Adding the “Mork from Ork” egg pod chair to my Amazon wish list. Unless it also comes with the murder. Then I’ll pass.
8:02 a.m. To my friend Buffy: I now get the “Singin’ in the Rain” reference.
8:03 a.m. Boob count: 4
8:10 a.m. There are naked dancing Jesus statues. I don’t know what to say.
8:11 a.m. School? How old IS he? I assumed he was like 30.
8:14 a.m. Oh it’s a corrective school. Which I’m assuming is like the alternative school. I’ll be honest, I’m only picking up about 30 percent of the dialogue in this movie and I’m not exactly sad about that.
8:17 a.m. The sign at the record store says 2001. Well, they were only about 40 years off on their styling. If they’d set this in 1977, they’d have been spot on.
8:19 a.m. Boob count 8. Dick count: 1
8:26 a.m. Poor Dim. He didn’t deserve that.
8:28 a.m. Crazy cat lady about to get it.
8:33 a.m. Any movie that doesn’t involve using a penis statue to keep an assailant out of arm’s reach will lose points from me from now on.
(apologies, I couldn’t find it in English)
8:47 a.m. Dick count: 2
8:51 a.m. Boob count: 11 … no, 13.
(short break to make breakfast)
9:16 a.m. OK he’s strapped in, eyes peeled open, and they’re about to put something in his eyes. I am assuming THIS is where it gets weird? PS I’m a little worried about myself that aside from the standard Kubrick oddness, I haven’t really been put off yet.
9:18 a.m. Boob count: 15.
9:25 a.m. Well, that wasn’t as weird as I expected. I think my very superficial way of watching movies is really helping me here.
9:29 a.m. Boob count: 17.
9:40 a.m. I’m troubled by Joe’s “belt over the sweater” look.
9:42 a.m. I’m oddly less scared of a sociopath than of a guy who starts dry heaving every time he sees a boob.
9:45 a.m. I also can’t unsee that Alex’s dad is sitting in front of a wall made of Dalek shells.
9:53 a.m. The Droogs are cops? That’s the weirdest thing yet.
10:09 a.m. If I’m taking anything from this movie, it’s that if you rehabilitate from being a criminal, move REALLY far away or all the people you’ve wronged will come at you hard.
10:14 a.m. I kind of want the wallpaper in his torture room. All pink iridescent leaves and stuff.
10:16 a.m. Suicide is bad, kids. Surviving a failed suicide is also bad, kids. Just don’t even try it.
10:23 a.m. There’s a chance I missed this, but why is he Alex DeLarge through the whole movie, and then in the clips about his suicide attempt he’s Alex Burgess? Error in the film? Or was this explained and I missed it in a boob-fueled haze?
10:28 a.m. The slide scene is honestly the creepiest he’s been all movie.
10:34 a.m. Boob count: 19.
So, I should have made a separate post ahead of this one explaining something: I will NEVER get the deeper meaning of a movie. I don’t get symbolism or metaphors. I just don’t. So while this was an oddly creepy (but not as much as feared) movie, I honestly don’t know what it was supposed to be about. Just seemed really Kubricky. I wish I had a really in-depth breakdown here, but if that’s what you’re looking for, this is the wrong blog for you.