What I “know”: Honestly, nothing. I’ve never heard of this movie in my life. It was recommended by a friend when I asked about movies everyone should have seen, but I literally know not a thing.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “Goldie Hawn shines as gentle librarian Gloria Mundy, who finds her peaceful and slightly boring existence shaken when she uncovers a plan to assassinate the Pope in this action-comedy inspired by Alfred Hitchcock thrillers. Fearing for her life, Gloria elicits the help of local cop Tony Carlson (Chevy Chase), who’s game enough to take on the strange case. Good thing, too, as matters morph from odd to bizarre and love blooms between the two.”
Never mind, I’m in 100 percent. Though the Hitchcock shoutout concerns me. Here’s hoping it’s more “Psycho” and less “Vertigo.”
TRAILER!
3:10: I, somehow, never noticed Goldie Hawn has a fivehead.
5:45: BARRY MANILOW MUSIC? I’m stoked. I love him, totally not ironically.
8:22: Oh, I like her in the giant ’70s glasses. That’s a good look for her. Sexy librarian, indeed.
11:20: I was going to say something about how even if she didn’t smoke, she’d notice that a pack of cigarettes was really heavy for only having three in it once he added the roll of film, but he got smart and just put them in her purse. That buys him a few minutes before she discovers the crazy plot that puts her on the path to love!
13:29: Ewwwww, dripping blood is always gross, but dripping blood on sweet, buttery, salty popcorn is a step too far.
15:56: So the people sitting behind her weren’t like, “Yeah, there was this guy, he came in, then his head lopped back, then she ran out and two other guys came and carried him out?” They didn’t think that was worth sharing? Just crazyshame the loopy blonde?
18:11: Awww, Burgess Meredith. So good.
19:07: Ix-nay on the ake-snay, please. I’m OK with spiders (I take a live-and-let-live philosophy there, especially for the good house ones … One lives in the top corner of my shower) but snakes are a no-go for me.
20:00: Why is no one noticing the 10-foot snake that is now climbing up on the coffee table between them?
20:09: Oh, I’m glad it’s his. I was going to have to question how the killer knew she’d be in his apartment … but never mind, it’s just a crazy old man with a pet serpent.
20:51: “Just scream and I’ll be upstairs in a flash, kicking ass” *loud screaming and flailing to show his asskicking skills*
24:35: OH NO, A DWARF SHOWED UP AT THE LIBRARY?
26:29: Man, she was right … that umbrella does pack quite a punch! Weird albino guy is weird.
27:27: MORE MANILOW. This soundtrack is amazing.
29:25: I just set down my lunch because I laughed so hard I spit a piece of lettuce out at “Here it is, my own little beaver trap.” Oh, Dudley Moore, you were a comedic gift.
31:50: Congratulations on having the gaudiest apartment in 1970s San Francisco, Dudley.
33:01: If Dudley Moore were a foot taller, I’d totally have a retro crush on him.
33:11: OMG THAT BED.
34:32: If this movie gets better than this scene right here, I may die. Honestly. I’m laughing so hard. He’s using binoculars on his own wall for like a soft-core porn he’s playing out of the cabinet next to his bed. I can’t.
36:03: Oh god, the inflatable doll floating away and him quietly saying “Please come back” just gutted me. Holy crapolies.
I can’t even do this whole thing justice. Here :
37:00: DO NOT WALK INTO YOUR APARTMENT IF THE DOOR IS ALREADY OPEN. I was willing to overlook the whole “picking up a hitchhiker” thing (though, to be fair, it would have avoided this whole mess which, I guess, would also undo the whole movie plot) but this is a step too far. Also, please lock the window that’s IN YOUR SHOWER.
41:31: I love that albino killed the guy who’s trying to kill her. I guess there’s good money in killing her and now they’re fighting over who gets to do it?
42:15: Holy crap, Brian Dennehy was young once?
43:15: The albino guy is a bait-and-switch, huh? Like Mr. Slugworth?
48:07: “You are a walking light bulb, waiting to be screwed.” God bless her crazy feminist friend who thinks all men are just on the planet to rape.
48:47: So wait, if the albino wanted her all along, why leave her in her apartment? Why not get the dead scar dude AND her and throw them both in the trunk? She was already unconscious. Seems safer than knocking her out on a street in broad daylight.
50:24: They had her pass out on her kitchen floor just for the boobs shaking, I’m 99 percent sure. Now they’re going to send her out in the rain in a white silky dress. Well played, moviemakers.
52:36: These old biddies playing Scrabble with curse words is my second favorite thing to happen so far in this movie.
58:46: I’m not going to lie, I’m impressed the little person could balance on a suitcase on wheels.
1:00:12: Sight gag of a little person hanging out of a window notwithstanding, why wouldn’t she just run out her front freaking door while he was over there fiddling with his suitcase. Also, I was 99 percent sure when he came in it’s a red herring. I’ll bet “The Dwarf” is a dwarf like Tiny Lister was tiny.
1:05:13: OK, so Stiltskin isn’t a giant man. I hope they work a Rumplestiltskin joke in here somewhere.
1:06:18: Do cops usually take people who are being murdered to the address where the vehicle being driven by people who want to murder them is registered? That seems like a questionable decision.
1:09:41: Stella, the man-hater, is so so damaged. Who hurt you, Stella? Who made you like this? “If they say they like you, it’s not so bad. It’s when they say ‘I love you’ that you’ve gotta watch out.”
1:10:34: I feel like if I’d known this Chevy Chase, I’d have been more forgiving of Chevy Chase now as a horrible human being. But instead, I watch this and I’m just like “You become a complete dick.” He’s smoother here than he is in the National Lampoon movies. Not as stupid.
1:19:22: So the cop who’s supposed to be guarding her just never shows up and she thinks nothing of it. Then he calls her, tells her to come someplace strange right away and hangs up and her thought is “Sounds legit?”
1:30:45: So Stiltskin sees the cabinets falling and still doesn’t move? Dope.
1:34:17: Goodness, Burgess Meredith was the bestest.
1:36:18: An oboe sighting! I played oboe for two years. I was terrible at it. Still, cool!
1:52:47: Dudley Moore is the second-bestest. Hiding when he saw Chevy’s badge and coming back up in sunglasses? Amazing.
I LOVE that movie. Thank you to whatever random friend figured out I would love a stupid slapstick movie. I love you a little. And thank you to my friend Linda, who organized my queue and gave me that after a movie about cloning Hitler. The tone change was nice. Love!
What I “know:” Probably more than most movies. I know Anthony Perkins killed his mom and keeps her in the basement. And I know there’s some shower murder scene with Jamie Lee Curtis’s mom. What I don’t know is why.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: When larcenous real estate clerk Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) goes on the lam with a wad of cash and hopes of starting a new life, she ends up at the notorious Bates Motel, where twitchy manager Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) cares for his housebound mother. The place seems quirky but fine … until Marion decides to take a shower. Director Alfred Hitchcock’s Oscar-nominated shocker has been terrifying viewers for decades — and for good reason.
OK, so No. 1, I’m just about Hitchcocked out. Whoever organized my queue screwed me on that. (Edit: I just looked and I still have three more Hitchcocks to watch. Ugh.) I’ve yet to be “shocked” or “stunned” or anything. And I realize it’s hard to watch it 60 years later when you’re not a film historian to see the things he broke ground with. But ugh. And phew! This whole time (nearly 41 years) I thought they were portraying Janet Leigh as his mom and I was like, “She’s a little young, no?” So glad that’s not the case. Also, my mom just told me tonight it took her years to get over the shower scene, but I think I’ve seen like 98 percent of it, so I figure I’m OK. Not like he could show the knife plunging into her or anything.
Trailer!
Holy crap on a cracker, that thing’s 6:31 long! I’m not watching that.
1:01: NOOOO JOHN GAVIN? Freaking Stalker Steve from “Imitation of Life” is back to haunt me in another movie? Dammit. I hope he’s not creepier than ol’ Norman here.
3:17: Ewww post-coital Stalker Steve.
5:12: “You makes respectability sound … disrespectful.” Sister, you don’t know the half.
6:05: So I’m taking from this, even already knowing she apparently rips off her boss and goes on the run, that Sam is the worst choice Marion will make. Even worse than staying at the Bates Motel. Hell, maybe Norman did her a favor. Don’t meet up in a seedy hotel with a guy who just keeps talking about his ex-wife.
6:25: So she’s like “Let’s get married” and he immediately talks about his ex-wife again, then backs out of frame. Girl, run.
7:35: This woman who works with Marion, however, is sheer gold. She took tranquilizers on her wedding night and ran through her husband and her mother’s calls when Marion asked if there were any calls while she was getting her Afternoon Delight. More of her, please!
9:15: Ick at the gross old Southern man who’s flopping his cash all around like it’s his manhood. Maybe it is.
11:04: “I guess I’ll go put this money in the bank, then go home and sleep it off.” My ass you will, Marion.
12:13: Want to know why I could never do this? I’m a terrible packer. I’d leave something mandatory at home, have to turn around and get it, and get caught. And yes, I could probably buy another of whatever it was with $40K in 1960 money, but that doesn’t last forever!
14:10: Generally, it’s unsafe for a woman to sleep in her car alone on the side of a road. But considering where this whole thing ends, she should have stuck with that.
23:01: She should just tell the cop she’s running from an abusive boyfriend. Some women did that in the ’60s, right?
26:17: Janet Leigh’s eyebrows are on POINT.
27:59: Stop honking your horn! You don’t want to make Norman angry!
28:19: Dude, Anthony Perkins is taller and skinnier than I thought he was. Or Janet Leigh is shorter. Either way, he looks like a scarecrow.
30:11: I’m kind of glad I know he’s, you know, psycho. Because otherwise I’d totally have a dork crush on Norman.
33:11: The Bateses should really look into doing better insulation on their house. I can hear every word through a rainstorm at the hotel hundreds of yards away.
35:29: “I’m not hungry. Go ahead.” The same guy who 5 minutes ago said he was just getting ready to eat dinner and would love for you to join him, and who has stuffed birds on his wall, wants to sit there and watch you eat after luring you into a back room in the office of the hotel where there are no others guests. Sheesh, Marion.
37:13: Oh, the body language. He’s all open and touching a bird and she said, “Do you go out with friends?” and he pulled his hand down and closed his legs and looked up toward the house and said, “Well, a boy’s best friend is his mother.” 1. Sweet, but no and 2. Yikes. Anthony Perkins is really quite good.
39:45: Holy crap, he killed his stepfather, didn’t he? Oh, Norman. This whole killing thing has got to stop! I mean, not yet, because Marion’s still alive, but you know. At some point.
39:59: “A son is a poor substitute for a lover.” Gross.
40:02: So the same thing that drove me crazy in “Dial M for Murder” is done SO WELL here. This entire scene is great. I guess it’s partly because I know more of the story than people watching it normally do, or did in that time, but seeing these two play off each other, building this tension … this is much better.
41:54: Y’all, I’m serious. This is the only thing I’ve ever seen Anthony Perkins in but he is (pardon the term) killing it! I’m 100 percent in on Norman Bates. “We all go a little mad sometimes” and then that smile. I mean, he’s clearly insane. Norman, not Anthony. But still … killing it!
43:34: OH NO SHE SAID CRANE. But she signed the book as something else (can’t remember what). Is that what spurs him? Is that what makes him slash her to bits? Man, she should have just continued stinking after two days without a shower. More deodorant, a little perfume, and get out of Dodge. Ah, Marie Samuels. He just picked up the book. Silly Marion. That mistake will cost you!
44:44: Now, wait. The layout is all wrong. When she went into the office, the desk was to her left, and this room was behind it. So her room would be the other end of the office. Even if the desk were straight ahead, this would still be parallel and he’d be looking out the back of the hotel. When he walked her to her room, it wasn’t a far enough walk to have covered a desk to the right, then a parlor, then the full depth of her bed. Dammit, Hitchcock.
45:04: See? Right there! He hangs the picture up, walks out the door across from it, walks straight out and turns left out of his office. That wall doesn’t even touch her room!
46:49: Oooooh she ’bout to get it! P.S. Even though I’ve seen most of this scene (the shadow, the curtain opening, her screaming and cowering) I’m still nervous. I really hate scary things. I hope this doesn’t mess me up, for real.
Obligatory clip, even though I’m assuming everyone’s seen it:
48:00: Dude, never leave them still alive. I mean, I’m pretty sure she dies eventually, but don’t run the risk. P.S. how is there no blood? I mean, none of the wall, none in the tub, none on her body? Even with the water running, you’d still be able to see the blood running out of her cuts.
48:41: HAHAHA and so now that the upper half of her is out of the tub and on the tile floor, NOW there’s blood running toward the drain? I guess from the 14 stab wounds he inflicted to her calves?
50:27: So I think at this point I’m supposed to think it was his mother who did this. This is the great Hitchcock switcheroo. But I don’t know if Norman had an actual break and is shocked at the sight of the blood, or if he’s acting it out so he can say he walked in on her like that when the cops come a’callin.
50:40: I’m also going to say this: Young Anthony Perkins looks strikingly like young Adam Levine.
52:51: Norman seems a little too practiced in how to get dead bodies out of hotel rooms, nah mean?
53:24: Norman should have called an exorcist, because I have NO IDEA where all that blood came from. It’s literally all around the tub, dried, when there was none after the killing, AND the water was still running when he came in.
54:27: Now this scene is taking too long. Hitchcock is killing the mood!
55:01: Wait, why is it basically dawn already? He’s really slow at cleaning bathrooms.
55:15: Very convenient that her trunk is already neatly lined.
58:13: Wait, his grand plan is to drive a car with a dead body in it into some brush and that will just take care of it? Oh, of course, there’s just a convenient pond there.
59:49: HAHAH a convenient pond that is inconveniently shallow. Is that a tar pit? That “water” is super dark.
59:59: OK, seriously, the little twitch/half-smile/smirk he just pulled when the car started sinking again was perfection. God, I love this guy. Anthony, not Norman.
1:01:48: Bob’s my second favorite person behind the nitwit that worked with Marion. Stalker Steve/Sleazy Sam tells him to skedaddle because Marion’s sister is making a scene and putting his business on blast and Bob’s like “I don’t need to go get lunch, I packed one.” Awesome.
1:02:09: PLAYER 3 HAS ENTERED THE GAME. Boom, there’s a private investigator who now wants to get all up in the Marion info. He looks super familiar so I was scanning his IMDB and I was like “I’ve never seen this guy in any … WAIT A SECOND he was in “All the President’s Men.” Got it.
1:11:59: I can see why Anthony felt trapped and confined by this role. I swear, even if I see him in something else, I’ll only see him as Norman. That apparently sucked for him, and I get it. But god, is he good. That whole scene with the private investigator slowly breaking him was tremendous.
1:16:11: Don’t go to the house of the crazy man! Oh, silly private investigator. That house just screams “murder house.”
1:17:37: Oh no! Norman’s “mother” has killed again!
1:18:00: “He’ll be back” says Sleazy Sam. Uh, no, he won’t. He’s sinking in a pond right about now. Man, that pond didn’t look big enough to hold more than 1-2 of those giant cars from those days. Norman better reign himself in!
1:18:50: HAHAHAH he really was in the pond. This is awesome. Also, stop yelling. You’re going to anger Norman. And you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry! Although, I’m OK with Sleazy Sam getting his due.
1:19:00: Dammit, Sam lives. Is there no mercy in this world?
1:20:52: Haha the look between the deputy sheriff and his wife when Sleazy Sam said, “no, his mother” was priceless.
1:23:36: Paraphrasing, but “I called the guy who runs the motel where two missing people were last seen but he says he knows nothing so we’re good here.” Good work, copper.
1:23:54: AND THERE’S THE HITCHCOCK TWIST. I mean, I knew the mother was dead, but those people didn’t, and Marion sure didn’t.
1:25:09: No. 1, Norman should stick to poison. Fewer questions. And No. 2, who is the woman buried out in Greenlawn Cemetery?
1:33:14: So cabin No. 1 is just unlocked? The one he killed someone in, he doesn’t lock up after himself? Even when people come around asking questions? And why did she look in the toilet? And why didn’t the ink fade on the paper after nine days of sitting in toilet water? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
1:37:17: The sister just walks into the house and starts going through all the rooms. A.) You think people might have been killed and B.) You think some old woman lives there. Maybe call out like “Mrs. Bates?” or something. I mean, it’s not like she can answer, but you don’t know that!
1:39:41: The jaw clenching is EVERYTHING. I totally would have had a thing for Anthony Perkins. Yeah, I know. It’s never stopped me before. The gay thing, not the psycho thing. Though, actually …
1:41:25: Holy shit, that reveal of Norman in the dress and wig is amazing. He looks truly frightening. Well done, Anthony Perkins!
1:45:36: I don’t think this is how psychiatrists who have just talked to a murderer are supposed to be talking. This guy is getting really in-depth and it’s weird. “The MOTHER killed the girl.”
1:48:31: OMG that last scene, where he looks up at the camera and smiles while looking under his brow? Chilling. Like “Charles Manson in that Time-Life commercial where it froze on him staring right at the camera and gave me nightmares” chilling. Am I the only person who remembers that commercial??
OK, EASILY my favorite Hitchcock movie so far (though I’m sadly only halfway through apparently). It seemed … less Hitchcockian in some ways? Less overbearing, less tracking shots and psychedelic things. I actually really liked this movie, which may say something about me … though not anything my friends haven’t already said. And Anthony Perkins was a revelation. I know that’s probably not the right word for a guy who’s been dead for 25 years and who starred in this movie 57 years ago, but lordy. That man was good.
What I “know”: Literally nothing. There will be times on here where I’m like “I have no idea” but like, I knew Wuthering Heights was an old-time movie, it was a romance, etc. This one, LITERALLY nothing. I know that vertigo is like when you have trouble balancing because of liquid in your ears or something. But this movie is 100 percent not in my subconscious at all. In fact, I skipped the first three lines above AND haven’t added a feature photo yet so I could honestly say I know nothing about it.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “One of Alfred Hitchcock’s darkest and most compelling suspense films tells the story of police detective Scottie Ferguson (James Stewart), who has a crippling fear of heights — and an all-consuming obsession with a married woman. When an old friend asks him to call his wife (Kim Novak), Scottie is drawn into a vortex of deceit and murder. But that’s only the beginning as a mesmerizing score draws Scottie to the film’s haunting final shot.”
OK, No. 1, I despise Jimmy Stewart. Admittedly, that’s largely based on how much I hate “It’s a Wonderful Life,” but his stupid weird voice and all the stammering and “gosh golly, guys, I’m so darn lucky!” makes me want to murder his face. No. 2, I honest to god didn’t know this was a Hitchcock movie. I think this will be my first.
First, the trailer:
1:49: This opening makes me think of the Spirograph toy from when I was a kid. Do those things still exist? They were awesome.
4:46: Not even 5 minutes in and Jimmy Stewart has already killed someone. A fellow cop, nonetheless. All because he’s afraid of heights and still decided to go jumping rooftop to rooftop. Good work, genius.
5:02: I sincerely hope that’s a flashback and at some point we’re going to find out what happens, because cutting from him hanging there like a sack of nothing to him in a very cluttered apartment is weird.
6:30: Oh, so he fell too, but he just dinged his back a little bit? Unfair. And THAT’S what made him afraid of heights? Yeesh. Lord, his voice is annoying.
8:13: Wait, they’re sitting here playing happy house couple and they’re not even together? Ah, the original friendzone.
8:23: “Well, we were engaged once, weren’t we?” Way to win the ladies over, you blockhead.
11:17: She’s very strong to catch a very tall fainting man off a stepchair (what was that thing, anyway?). Also, he’s a terrible fake fainter.
12:52: I love that he’s like “I can’t go to that rooftop bar, but there are plenty of street level bars in this town.” A man with his priorities straight.
17:05: The restaurant, Ernie’s, is gaudy as hell. Red tapestry wallpaper, red velvet chairs, red carpet? Gah.
18:03: Kim Novak is very beautiful. Wow.
18:48: So judging by the fact that Jimmy Stewart is sitting in the car, staring at a building, he went from “No, your wife is crazy and I don’t believe in spirits” to “Hmmm yeah I could deal with following this hot chick around town for a while.”
20:05: As a stalke … I mean, I would guess someone who was following someone wouldn’t turn down a one-way alley. There’s no other reason for you to be there and now you can’t get out until she leaves. You circle the block, park on the street and watch. Stalking 101.
21:02: Not going to lie, I’m a little disappointed. With the alley entrance, the creepy hallway, I thought she’d be, like, harvesting organs from orphans. But it’s just a black-market florist? Or just a secret entrance for richies who don’t want to bump into commoners on the street?
25:20: He’s a really terrible hider, for a stalker. Maybe they don’t teach you that in detective school? It’s a small cemetery, obviously not just for people to go wandering around in, and he’s just strolling around, all tall, in a brown suit and not even PRETENDING to not be following her.
26:07: In his defense, however, her perception skills appear to be less than zero.
26:43: Holy shit, Hitchcock did not work in vagaries, did he? “Zoom in on her bouquet, now zoom in on the same bouquet in the painting. Good, good, good. Now, go back to her but zoom in on her hair. Then, back to the painting and show that the woman has the SAME HAIR STYLE. Good, good. Hopefully everyone sees what we’re trying to do here.”
28:56: So he sees her go into this weird-ass McKittrick Hotel and my first thought was, “He should Google that hotel, see if like that’s where Carlotta died or something.” Then I remembered … 1958. Oops?
30:56: OK, 30 minutes into “Hitchcock’s darkest and most compelling suspense” finally something happens. He sees her walk in, the room is registered to Carlotta, she’s in the room, but the lady at the front desk says she’s not AND the key’s still there. Also, is that how hotels worked then? You left your key and got it when you came back? Weird.
32:43: Midge is the hero of this movie. Successful, kick-ass apartment, and not afraid to put Jimmy Stewart in his place. Midge wins!
35:28: The book store owner’s cigarette just went from freshly lit to almost nothing in 20 seconds. Continuity, people!
37:21: Why does she keep calling him Johnny in this part? His name is Scottie. Like Johnny Law? But he’s not a cop any more. Now I wonder if it was just a mistake, or if it means something later.
38:41: It seems too obvious, but she’s just Carlotta’s descendant, right? How else would she have inherited her jewelry? I feel like that’s too obvious. Never having seen a Hitchcock movie, I’m just going to assume, earlier obviousness aside, that he wouldn’t be that see-through 1/4 of the way through the movie.
39:09: Oh, great-grandmother. I couldn’t remember how long ago she died. Glad that they covered that and it’s not that. Still wondering where this all goes? Why can’t she just be a sad great-granddaughter who wishes her great-grandmother hadn’t been shunned by her baby daddy?
42:25: He is a REALLY terrible stalker. He follows her to where there’s no one else, and no reason for there to be anyone else, then parks his car in plain sight like 100 feet behind hers. How she doesn’t hear his car door close I’m just blaming on the water. But man, he should have been made like 10 times already.
43:00: I will say that I like Stewart in this movie. With my only previous experience being that godawful “Wonderful Life,” I’m glad to see he’s not that guy.
43:10: Saving a suicidal woman or copping a feel? You be the judge.
43:31: Let’s also talk about how someone jumping five feet down into the water wouldn’t be unconscious. She wasn’t even underwater, just floating on top.
44:14: “This lady is suicidal and went unconscious in the water. I’ll just take her home and build a fire, that’ll fix everything!” Did they not have hospitals, you jerk?
44:53: She’s topless in a strange man’s bed? Her dress is in the kitchen, and she’s in her bedroom. I sincerely hope she undressed herself, put a robe on and went to bed, but she still had to do so with the door open. Creepy Stewart!
45:13: Not a single “Who the hell are you, why are you in my house, and why am I in bed with no shirt on with you here?” Not a ONE?
46:56: She still hasn’t asked who he is, why he’s trying to make her drink things, and just totally trusts him that she “fell into the bay” and he saved her? Man, the ’50s were a glorious time.
49:53: So his name IS John Ferguson? Is “Scottie” a nickname for John all of a sudden?
52:52: No. 1, that dame got dressed quickly. No. 2, did Midge just get creepy? “Well, Johnny O, was it a ghost? Was it fun?” What??
54:52: When she pulls in, there’s no car next to her. Then it cuts back and there’s a blue car. Every time I watch a movie, I become more convinced that I should be a continuity person. Things like that just bug the hell out of me. Can someone tell me how that happens? I want that job! I’d be awesome at it.
58:29: So the weird guy who “saved” her just invites himself along, she puts him in her car and heads into the woods with him? On foot? With no real idea of who he is? Insanity.
1:00:14: She just said “here is where I died.” He calls her Madeline as she walks away. Try Carlotta, you weirdo!
1:03:20: Seriously, the scarf continuity is KILLING ME. In some of the takes, it’s clearly pinned in place, then sometimes, it’s completely off her neck.
1:05:06: Hey, Scottie, maybe don’t make out with the schizo chick who’s married to your college friend. Just a little piece of 20/20 hindsight for you.
1:07:35: Nope, Midge is batshit too. Painting a portrait of herself to look like Carlotta? What is HAPPENING with chicks back then? And her meltdown after he leaves … *insert cuckoo sounds here*
1:14:33: It never ceases to amaze me with older movies … two kisses and like three conversations and they’re all “I love you Madeline” and “I love you too.” Cool your jets!
1:15:53: Dearest Johnscottie, don’t let the crazy one who has already tried to kill herself twice go into the church, alone, just because she kissed you and gave you doe eyes. Yeesh.
1:17:03: He wasn’t even running that fast. They should have given her a bigger head start to make it realistic. Or maybe, subconsciously, he didn’t want to catch her.
1:17:03: Also, I want to hear his phone call to his friend. “Yeah, uh, I was with her. How’d she get down to that mission 100 miles south of San Francisco? Well, that’s kind of a crazy story … um, we made out after she tried to kill herself again and then we were in love and I thought I could cure her and … well I guess that’s about it. Sorry about your loss?”
1:18:45: A room full of blue suits appears to be something legal-y? Not sure yet. But bless the guy at the table who almost immediately was like, “Rather than take her to an institution where we could have figured out what was wrong, this guy decided to just have his old college friend keep an eye on her.”
1:20:11: This guy! This guy at the table! “It’s a pity, knowing her suicidal tendencies, that he did not make a great effort the second time.” I love this guy. He does not, however, love Johnscottie. He’s totally leading the jury, all like “Yeah, also don’t judge him for all of his terrible decisions after she plunged to her death” then starts listing them all. This guy for president. Well, he’s probably dead. But he might still be a better option.
1:22:30: “Sorry, Scottie, that was rough,” says the man whose wife was in love with his friend and who ran away with him to kill herself. Forgiving ol’ chap, that friend.
1:24:38: This dream sequence is trippy as hell. I don’t know what Hitchcock was on, but I’ll take two.
1:25:49: If he’s in a mental hospital, that’s the nicest one I’ve ever seen. I mean, in entertainment. I’ve never SEEN a mental hospital. Oh, never mind.
1:29:35: I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING. Is this like in the future, with no symbols of time passing? Is this a flashback? He went from mute in a mental hospital and “Mozart isn’t going to help at all” to standing outside Madeleine’s (that’s what her gravestone said, but I’m not going back to change my previous references) place and staring at her car. Either it’s a flashback or that place just let a dead woman’s car sit in their lot for more than a year.
1:30:05: Oh, some lady bought the car and lives there. Never mind. Also, old ladies do love to stick their noses in other people’s business. Man, oh man, lady … time and a place.
1:31:00: Well, Ernie’s hasn’t gotten any less gaudy in the time he was cuckoo.
1:32:16: Scottie just went from “grieving lover” to “creepy stalker” really quickly when he saw the green dress lady. Stop following women around town, Scottie! It doesn’t end well!
1:35:57: Never mind, she’s as crazy as he is. Hey, lady, helpful tip? Don’t pull out your driver’s license and give the weird guy your address in Kansas. Lordy, these two.
1:37:54: AND YOU DON’T GO ON A DATE WITH HIM. I don’t want to victim-blame here, but come on. Smart decisions.
1:38:58: Wait a cotton pickin’ minute. So dual Kim Novak is actually Kim Novak? Her husband didn’t need insurance money, right? What is happening here? You can’t just pull something like that with NO hints, Hitchcock.
1:41:43: “I’m going to write a full confession, tear it into four pieces, then just toss it in the trash even though you’re a detective, albeit a pretty terrible one from all examples, but this should do it!”
1:43:58: IT IS NOT SEXY to tell a woman you’ve had one date with not to go to work and to “let me take care of you.” That’s just weird. Old time love stories are weird in their pace.
1:47:14: He is legitimately treating her like a doll of his dead girlfriend. OK, now I get why this movie is so creepy. Gross, Scottie. At least TRY to pretend like you’re doing it for her. Also, where do you go to buy clothes that OTHER PEOPLE try it on for you and model it?
1:50:50: “I’ll wear the clothes if you want me to, if you’ll just like me” made me cringe. But him then deciding “Nope, that’s not good enough, you also have to go blonde to truly be my Stepford girlfriend” is horrifying. “It can’t matter to you?” SERIOUSLY? “It can’t possibly bother you to change every single thing that makes you you so that I can deal with my emotional baggage.” What a dick.
1:51:00: “If I do what you tell me, will you love me?” “Yes.” GROSS. I hope he falls off a roof and that’s the haunting last image.
1:56:10: “OK, great, now that you look like the ghost of a woman I spent less time with than I have you, I will finally kiss you.” I want to punch him in the face so hard.
1:58:10: OH NO SHE’S WEARING THE NECKLACE. She was careful enough to hide her gray suit, but not the stupid necklace from the painting?
Well that final bit, with the nun, was a bit of a copout. But I sincerely hope he had to go back on trial in front of the same guy and explain why a SECOND woman, who looked exactly like the first, died in the same place with him there. I’d pay for that sequel. As for my first Hitchcock movie, well … meh? It’s hard to judge old movies on their own basis because I didn’t see other movies of that time period as much, so it’s hard to do apples to apples. Parts of it were SO blatant and over the top, but then the big twist wasn’t even really given any kind of foreshadowing? I liked the end of it (as you can tell by the increase in my use of caps lock) but it took a long time to get there, and I feel like Midge was just wasted. RESPECT FOR MIDGE.
