Stars: Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Rob Reiner
Rated: R
Released: 1984
What I “know:” It’s a mockumentary about a rock band. I know there’s a part about turning it up to 11 which has led to some giggles at work (long story no one cares about). As someone who has “Best in Show” in probably my 15 favorite movies, I’m excited.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “Rob Reiner’s cult satire about a fictional heavy metal group named Spinal Tap spoofs nearly every face of rock ‘n’ roll — from vacuous modern songwriting and half-baked album promos to over-the-top pyrotechnics-filled concerts.”
I will say this: Normally as I do this top part, I’ve put the DVD in so it can run through all the pre-movie stuff while I type all this out. Then it just sits on the “Play movie” screen until I’m ready. This one I actually listened to as I typed because they had the guys talking about all the stuff. Good times. Also, I love that it’s less than 90 minutes. 😀
TRAILER!
1:41: I do not want the smells, Rob Reiner.
3:01: Harry Shearer should have kept that facial hair always. And Michael McKean should have kept that hair.
5:43: I’m going to need more information on this bizarre gardening incident. I mean, I don’t garden. But would like to warn my mother.
6:25: I hope their current drummer has good life insurance.
6:45: GAHHHH IT’S FRAN DRESCHER.
7:48: Note to self: If you ever have a dinner party, hire mimes to carry the finger food. That is amazing.
8:00: I also didn’t know Billy Crystal was in this. “Mime is money” indeed.
11:24: I don’t dig on rock ‘n’ roll, but I’d listen to them. At least I know what the songs are about. Not big on subtlety.
12:21: “They’re treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry.” Hey, they know what people like. Don’t judge them for that.
13:26: I love that they’re so clueless that they have no album and gigs are getting canceled and they’re just like “oh, all right.”
14:36: No lie, I’m pretty sure that cover (or something similar) has been done. A greased up naked woman on a dog collar with a hand shoving a glove in her face? Seems tame. “You should have seen the cover they wanted to do. It wasn’t a glove, believe me.” hahahaha.
16:04: “Both Sears and Kmart stores have refused to handle the album.” Hahahah oh 1982. Jesus, wait, that 35 years ago? God I’m old.
18:38: “We’ve got armadillos in our trousers.” Yikes.
21:23: You know, if Nigel could have had some non-folding sandwiches, he could have stood up on his own. #freenigel
23:29: Nigel is my favorite. By far. The 11 scene isn’t even his best so far.
24:53: Howard Hesseman! Yes!
27:21: So they went from 12,000 seat arenas to 1200 seat clubs, and the manager is asked if that means their popularity is waning. After stumbling for two seconds, he says “Their appeal is just becoming more selective.” #alternativefacts
32:43: Haha another dead drummer. He exploded on stage? WTF?
33:00: I’ve also learned that, oddly enough, only their heavy metal part is the sound of theirs I like. Weird.
37:00: Awww poor Derek can’t get out of his cocoon!
39:12: The good: Martin asks the drummer if he fears for his life. The bad: He’s in a bathtub. Someone’s going to drop something electrical in there, aren’t they? Oh good, he survived … today.
43:58: Wait, tinfoil doesn’t actually set off the metal detector, does it? Poor Derek.
45:01: I’m assuming these guys wrote these songs, which are amazing.
45:45: Paul Shaffer? I literally didn’t know this many people were in this movie. Well, this many famous people.
48:37: Jesus, that’s one of my worst fears: Being lost in a building and not being able to get out. It’s why when I go someplace I always try to get someone to meet me. I’m terrible at direction.
54:45: I noticed he wrote 18″ instead of 18′ on the napkin, so I giggled loudly when she was like ‘I don’t understand, I built it to your specifications.’ Followed by Ian saying “Fuck the napkin!”
56:22: Christopher Guest is a very pretty man with that gold eyeshadow on. Just saying.
57:05: HAHAHA David’s face when he sees the prop.
1:00:49: Well, Ian made it further than I would have. Good on him. Also, I’m pretty sure Jeanine and Nina Blackwood were separated at birth.
1:02:51: No, Nigel and David, don’t break up. Jeanine is Yoko.
1:04:34: Yessssss Fred Willard. Always a welcome sight.
1:07:50: RIP Nigel’s career. And Spinal Tap’s. *sad buzzer*
1:08:31: HAHHA Puppet Show and Spinal Tap. Oh god. How sad.
1:09:56: The one dude giving the thumbs down is cracking me up. I know he’s probably hard to pick out of the giant crowd, but here:
1:12:43: NIGEL! NIGEL! NIGEL!
1:14:53: David sucks butt.
1:16:21: OK, now he sucks a little less butt. But Jeanine is still the worst.
1:16:44: Hahaah the drummer finally bit it.
They were all reunited at the end … how sweet. Jeanine can suck it. I will just say that all their accents were AMAZING. Never made me say “that sounds weird.” Then again, I’m not British. But it passed muster with me. I’d put this second to “Best in Show” for me, but ahead of “Waiting for Guffman.” Well ahead of “A Mighty Wind,” which I really disliked.
Stars: Timothy Bottoms, Jeff Bridges, Cybill Shepherd
Rated: R
Released: 1971
What I “know:” Absolutely nothing. I’m assuming it has to do with like a closing movie theater? Or that it’s a metaphor for life? Don’t know. But finally saw “Crazy Heart” last week so I’m all in on Jeff Bridges right now, so this is perfect timing.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “There’s not much to do in the windswept Texas hamlet of Anarene, where the town’s only cinema is about to close forever. So high schoolers Sonny (Timothy Bottoms) and Duane (Jeff Bridges) lust after incorrigible flirt Jacy Farrow (Cybill Shepherd) while trying to chart their uncertain futures. When Duane heads for Korea after joining the service and Jacy gets shipped off to college, Sonny is left behind in a veritable ghost town.”
Well, sounds like I was right on both counts? It’s literal and figurative. I do hope this blurb is general studio-types overwriting things because I don’t want to watch high schoolers “try to chart their uncertain futures” as that seems very unlikely there would be extended conversations about that between 17-year-olds.
P.S. Why were movies so looooong in the old days? Like every movie I’m watching is 2+.
Trailer!
00:10: Well, the black and white sure does add to the bleakness. Yikes.
1:40: Why is that idiot sweeping in a windstorm? At least they picked people who could relatively pass for high schoolers, at least these two. Bridges was 22, Bottoms was 20. They look younger. Well done on that. If you’d asked me, I’d have never have guessed that guy was Bridges, though.
5:23: Oh, that wasn’t Bridges. Good. That’s Bridges, hopping off the truck. Recognized him immediately. Never mind. He also looks markedly older than the sweeping guy.
7:20: Why would anyone play high school football in that god-forsaken town? These poor kids are getting crapped on by every adult over 30 in town. Short answer, I know, is “It’s Texas.” But I guess I didn’t realize it was like that even in towns like that, even back then.
9:19: Mopey McSadface gets to make out with Timothy Bottoms? Weird. Also, gross that he keeps his eyes open to look at Liz Taylor while he’s making out with her, but I get it.
9:55: Look, Mopey, you don’t get to be homely and bitchy. That’s why they talk about how ugly girls have great personalities. You don’t pull your tongue out of Timothy Bottom’s mouth and then start bitching he didn’t buy you anything for your anniversary. I get it, he should have remembered, but maybe have that conversation more than 2 seconds after he’s been exploring your teeth for cavities.
10:06: Man, Cybill Shepherd was gorgeous. I’d only seen her from “Moonlighting” on, but hoo boy. I mean, seriously. Shepherd’s gorgeous, Bridges is hot with those dimples, and Bottoms is beautiful. Whatever was happening in that one-horse town, it sure led to good breeding.
11:46: Well, hello again, Mopey. She’s bitching about how cold it is as she’s taking off all her clothes for Timothy Bottoms.
13:23: OK, everyone loses in that scene. I don’t blame Bottoms for cutting bait, but you can’t do it right after she fends off your advances down below. And you can’t end it by telling her she wasn’t very hot when you just wasted a year of her life. Boo to both of you!
14:55: I like the “sassy waitress who tells it like it is.” That being said, $4K in medical bills in that time would have been unbearable. It’s not great now, but 65, 70 years ago? Assuming this is set late 40s, early 50s if Duane ships off to Korea. Inflation calculator tells me it’s about $40K equivalent in 2016.
19:05: The Rig-Wam Drive Inn is a great freaking name.
19:50: Who’s the weird guy in the helmet and sunglasses who takes bets on HS football games and who has apparently pissed off Jacy’s mom?
22:06: “Everything gets old if you do it often enough.” Jacy’s mom is speaking to me.
23:56: Hey, it’s Cloris Leachman!
27:16: Bottoms looks like a young Paul Rudd. That’s what’s been eating at me. Paul Rudd with a little Richard Gere.
28:51: Holy crud, is that Randy Quaid? IMDB tells me it is. He has always had the same weird, hunched, weird, loping, weird walk.
30:35: Oooh a catfight! But a good question … why is he kissing his boss’s wife? Jacy’s mom is trash.
30:42: Cloris Leachman was 46 when this was released. There is something about her, in everything I’ve ever seen her in, where even in her younger days she still looked old. I don’t understand it. I could have guessed she was 60 in this movie even though time tells me that’s not possible. She’s a puzzle.
31:16: Why is everyone so mean to the prematurely balding pastor’s son? Poor kid.
31:38: Jacy just told Quaid to wait for her outside while she’s dancing with Duane. Like mother, like daughter, I suppose.
33:32: Jacy, you saucy minx. She’s one to watch out for. As her boyfriend basically tackles poor Quaid and challenges him to a fight, she sits in the car and just calmly watches.
36:49: SONNY, YOU DOG. You can’t go around making out with your coach’s wife over a trash can! Have some decency. At least do it around the corner.
37:52: Again with the sexism. Nude dude gets shown from the waist up, nude girl gets full frontal. #nudeequality
40:42: So Quaid and a bunch of strangers got to see her naked before poor ol’ Duane? Unfair! (I’d try to do a whole blog in Trump fashion but I don’t think I could pull it off)
42:15: If Sonny is supposed to be sympathetic in some way, they are failing miserably. 1. Forgets his anniversary, tries to go up girlfriend’s skirt, breaks up with her; 2. Makes out with coach’s wife; 3. Lets his friends strip his (autistic?) brother down and send him off to a hooker. I do, however, feel bad for calling him a sweeping idiot earlier.
44:36: Good on the old pool owner. At least someone’s looking out for Billy.
48:27: Right around Sonny’s second thrust, Mrs. Popper started really regretting her decision to bed the high school jock.
57:22: I’m glad Sam’s around. These boys need guidance and leadership and forgiveness and how to learn how to be men. Good for Sam.
1:01:32: Speaking of Trump, that dude who hosted the swim party just grabbed Jacy by the hoo-ha.
1:05:41: Well, that’s a kick in the gut. I had just come to appreciate Sam, and now he’s gone. Who’s going to lead these boys now? Their shitty fathers? No. Awww he left $1000 for the pastor’s son everyone was shitty to. Good for Sam.
1:10:46: OMG, Jacy just said “that tickles” when poor Duane was trying to perform for the first time. The burn that left must have haunted him for life.
1:17:06: Man, Jacy picked the wrong dude. Went off and got married. No wonder she leaves town for college.
1:19:40: Dude. A.) She’s 18 at BEST. B.) She’s apparently your friend’s daughter. C.) You’re already banging her mom. Stop getting all rapey. D.) Apparently guys back then just laid on girls and that was sex. WTF?
1:28:53: Poor Cloris. Married to a terrible man and now dumped by her boy toy for the town tramp.
1:30:26: “He didn’t do nothing to her besides get her to take her underpants off.” Good lord. That’s something, you weirdo. Now I know why everyone picked on the pastor’s son. Weirdo.
1:38:48: Oh, Jacy, you can’t just marry your ex’s best friend because you’re lonely. Silly girl.
1:47:20: FINALLY we get to the title of the movie.
1:53:55: OH GOD NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. That broom lying there and the cars all stopped and people gathering. No. Sweet little Billy did not just get hit by a truck. Holy crap.
1:56:38: So he just leaves his brother’s body lying there, on the sidewalk, with his letterman’s jacket over his face, and then hightails it out of town? WTF, Sonny? I mean, I get that there’s nothing there for him any more, but … well, at least call the cops or something.
1:57:46: He came back just to talk to his old married screwbuddy? What in the everloving tarnation is going on here?
1:59:58: Wait, how does she already know Billy’s dead?
OK, I have absolutely no feelings about that movie, good or bad. Duane, oddly, was the only one who actually showed any growth, and even that was minimal. This reminds me of “Boyhood,” which I despised because there was no point, no plot, no anything. Just ugh. So I guess it’s good I didn’t despise this movie? Parts were enjoyable, parts were hard to watch, parts were OMG. Makes sense Sonny would go back to the one place he felt safe when he’d lost everything else. Meh.
What I “know:” Probably more than most movies. I know Anthony Perkins killed his mom and keeps her in the basement. And I know there’s some shower murder scene with Jamie Lee Curtis’s mom. What I don’t know is why.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: When larcenous real estate clerk Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) goes on the lam with a wad of cash and hopes of starting a new life, she ends up at the notorious Bates Motel, where twitchy manager Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) cares for his housebound mother. The place seems quirky but fine … until Marion decides to take a shower. Director Alfred Hitchcock’s Oscar-nominated shocker has been terrifying viewers for decades — and for good reason.
OK, so No. 1, I’m just about Hitchcocked out. Whoever organized my queue screwed me on that. (Edit: I just looked and I still have three more Hitchcocks to watch. Ugh.) I’ve yet to be “shocked” or “stunned” or anything. And I realize it’s hard to watch it 60 years later when you’re not a film historian to see the things he broke ground with. But ugh. And phew! This whole time (nearly 41 years) I thought they were portraying Janet Leigh as his mom and I was like, “She’s a little young, no?” So glad that’s not the case. Also, my mom just told me tonight it took her years to get over the shower scene, but I think I’ve seen like 98 percent of it, so I figure I’m OK. Not like he could show the knife plunging into her or anything.
Trailer!
Holy crap on a cracker, that thing’s 6:31 long! I’m not watching that.
1:01: NOOOO JOHN GAVIN? Freaking Stalker Steve from “Imitation of Life” is back to haunt me in another movie? Dammit. I hope he’s not creepier than ol’ Norman here.
3:17: Ewww post-coital Stalker Steve.
5:12: “You makes respectability sound … disrespectful.” Sister, you don’t know the half.
6:05: So I’m taking from this, even already knowing she apparently rips off her boss and goes on the run, that Sam is the worst choice Marion will make. Even worse than staying at the Bates Motel. Hell, maybe Norman did her a favor. Don’t meet up in a seedy hotel with a guy who just keeps talking about his ex-wife.
6:25: So she’s like “Let’s get married” and he immediately talks about his ex-wife again, then backs out of frame. Girl, run.
7:35: This woman who works with Marion, however, is sheer gold. She took tranquilizers on her wedding night and ran through her husband and her mother’s calls when Marion asked if there were any calls while she was getting her Afternoon Delight. More of her, please!
9:15: Ick at the gross old Southern man who’s flopping his cash all around like it’s his manhood. Maybe it is.
11:04: “I guess I’ll go put this money in the bank, then go home and sleep it off.” My ass you will, Marion.
12:13: Want to know why I could never do this? I’m a terrible packer. I’d leave something mandatory at home, have to turn around and get it, and get caught. And yes, I could probably buy another of whatever it was with $40K in 1960 money, but that doesn’t last forever!
14:10: Generally, it’s unsafe for a woman to sleep in her car alone on the side of a road. But considering where this whole thing ends, she should have stuck with that.
23:01: She should just tell the cop she’s running from an abusive boyfriend. Some women did that in the ’60s, right?
26:17: Janet Leigh’s eyebrows are on POINT.
27:59: Stop honking your horn! You don’t want to make Norman angry!
28:19: Dude, Anthony Perkins is taller and skinnier than I thought he was. Or Janet Leigh is shorter. Either way, he looks like a scarecrow.
30:11: I’m kind of glad I know he’s, you know, psycho. Because otherwise I’d totally have a dork crush on Norman.
33:11: The Bateses should really look into doing better insulation on their house. I can hear every word through a rainstorm at the hotel hundreds of yards away.
35:29: “I’m not hungry. Go ahead.” The same guy who 5 minutes ago said he was just getting ready to eat dinner and would love for you to join him, and who has stuffed birds on his wall, wants to sit there and watch you eat after luring you into a back room in the office of the hotel where there are no others guests. Sheesh, Marion.
37:13: Oh, the body language. He’s all open and touching a bird and she said, “Do you go out with friends?” and he pulled his hand down and closed his legs and looked up toward the house and said, “Well, a boy’s best friend is his mother.” 1. Sweet, but no and 2. Yikes. Anthony Perkins is really quite good.
39:45: Holy crap, he killed his stepfather, didn’t he? Oh, Norman. This whole killing thing has got to stop! I mean, not yet, because Marion’s still alive, but you know. At some point.
39:59: “A son is a poor substitute for a lover.” Gross.
40:02: So the same thing that drove me crazy in “Dial M for Murder” is done SO WELL here. This entire scene is great. I guess it’s partly because I know more of the story than people watching it normally do, or did in that time, but seeing these two play off each other, building this tension … this is much better.
41:54: Y’all, I’m serious. This is the only thing I’ve ever seen Anthony Perkins in but he is (pardon the term) killing it! I’m 100 percent in on Norman Bates. “We all go a little mad sometimes” and then that smile. I mean, he’s clearly insane. Norman, not Anthony. But still … killing it!
43:34: OH NO SHE SAID CRANE. But she signed the book as something else (can’t remember what). Is that what spurs him? Is that what makes him slash her to bits? Man, she should have just continued stinking after two days without a shower. More deodorant, a little perfume, and get out of Dodge. Ah, Marie Samuels. He just picked up the book. Silly Marion. That mistake will cost you!
44:44: Now, wait. The layout is all wrong. When she went into the office, the desk was to her left, and this room was behind it. So her room would be the other end of the office. Even if the desk were straight ahead, this would still be parallel and he’d be looking out the back of the hotel. When he walked her to her room, it wasn’t a far enough walk to have covered a desk to the right, then a parlor, then the full depth of her bed. Dammit, Hitchcock.
45:04: See? Right there! He hangs the picture up, walks out the door across from it, walks straight out and turns left out of his office. That wall doesn’t even touch her room!
46:49: Oooooh she ’bout to get it! P.S. Even though I’ve seen most of this scene (the shadow, the curtain opening, her screaming and cowering) I’m still nervous. I really hate scary things. I hope this doesn’t mess me up, for real.
Obligatory clip, even though I’m assuming everyone’s seen it:
48:00: Dude, never leave them still alive. I mean, I’m pretty sure she dies eventually, but don’t run the risk. P.S. how is there no blood? I mean, none of the wall, none in the tub, none on her body? Even with the water running, you’d still be able to see the blood running out of her cuts.
48:41: HAHAHA and so now that the upper half of her is out of the tub and on the tile floor, NOW there’s blood running toward the drain? I guess from the 14 stab wounds he inflicted to her calves?
50:27: So I think at this point I’m supposed to think it was his mother who did this. This is the great Hitchcock switcheroo. But I don’t know if Norman had an actual break and is shocked at the sight of the blood, or if he’s acting it out so he can say he walked in on her like that when the cops come a’callin.
50:40: I’m also going to say this: Young Anthony Perkins looks strikingly like young Adam Levine.
52:51: Norman seems a little too practiced in how to get dead bodies out of hotel rooms, nah mean?
53:24: Norman should have called an exorcist, because I have NO IDEA where all that blood came from. It’s literally all around the tub, dried, when there was none after the killing, AND the water was still running when he came in.
54:27: Now this scene is taking too long. Hitchcock is killing the mood!
55:01: Wait, why is it basically dawn already? He’s really slow at cleaning bathrooms.
55:15: Very convenient that her trunk is already neatly lined.
58:13: Wait, his grand plan is to drive a car with a dead body in it into some brush and that will just take care of it? Oh, of course, there’s just a convenient pond there.
59:49: HAHAH a convenient pond that is inconveniently shallow. Is that a tar pit? That “water” is super dark.
59:59: OK, seriously, the little twitch/half-smile/smirk he just pulled when the car started sinking again was perfection. God, I love this guy. Anthony, not Norman.
1:01:48: Bob’s my second favorite person behind the nitwit that worked with Marion. Stalker Steve/Sleazy Sam tells him to skedaddle because Marion’s sister is making a scene and putting his business on blast and Bob’s like “I don’t need to go get lunch, I packed one.” Awesome.
1:02:09: PLAYER 3 HAS ENTERED THE GAME. Boom, there’s a private investigator who now wants to get all up in the Marion info. He looks super familiar so I was scanning his IMDB and I was like “I’ve never seen this guy in any … WAIT A SECOND he was in “All the President’s Men.” Got it.
1:11:59: I can see why Anthony felt trapped and confined by this role. I swear, even if I see him in something else, I’ll only see him as Norman. That apparently sucked for him, and I get it. But god, is he good. That whole scene with the private investigator slowly breaking him was tremendous.
1:16:11: Don’t go to the house of the crazy man! Oh, silly private investigator. That house just screams “murder house.”
1:17:37: Oh no! Norman’s “mother” has killed again!
1:18:00: “He’ll be back” says Sleazy Sam. Uh, no, he won’t. He’s sinking in a pond right about now. Man, that pond didn’t look big enough to hold more than 1-2 of those giant cars from those days. Norman better reign himself in!
1:18:50: HAHAHAH he really was in the pond. This is awesome. Also, stop yelling. You’re going to anger Norman. And you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry! Although, I’m OK with Sleazy Sam getting his due.
1:19:00: Dammit, Sam lives. Is there no mercy in this world?
1:20:52: Haha the look between the deputy sheriff and his wife when Sleazy Sam said, “no, his mother” was priceless.
1:23:36: Paraphrasing, but “I called the guy who runs the motel where two missing people were last seen but he says he knows nothing so we’re good here.” Good work, copper.
1:23:54: AND THERE’S THE HITCHCOCK TWIST. I mean, I knew the mother was dead, but those people didn’t, and Marion sure didn’t.
1:25:09: No. 1, Norman should stick to poison. Fewer questions. And No. 2, who is the woman buried out in Greenlawn Cemetery?
1:33:14: So cabin No. 1 is just unlocked? The one he killed someone in, he doesn’t lock up after himself? Even when people come around asking questions? And why did she look in the toilet? And why didn’t the ink fade on the paper after nine days of sitting in toilet water? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
1:37:17: The sister just walks into the house and starts going through all the rooms. A.) You think people might have been killed and B.) You think some old woman lives there. Maybe call out like “Mrs. Bates?” or something. I mean, it’s not like she can answer, but you don’t know that!
1:39:41: The jaw clenching is EVERYTHING. I totally would have had a thing for Anthony Perkins. Yeah, I know. It’s never stopped me before. The gay thing, not the psycho thing. Though, actually …
1:41:25: Holy shit, that reveal of Norman in the dress and wig is amazing. He looks truly frightening. Well done, Anthony Perkins!
1:45:36: I don’t think this is how psychiatrists who have just talked to a murderer are supposed to be talking. This guy is getting really in-depth and it’s weird. “The MOTHER killed the girl.”
1:48:31: OMG that last scene, where he looks up at the camera and smiles while looking under his brow? Chilling. Like “Charles Manson in that Time-Life commercial where it froze on him staring right at the camera and gave me nightmares” chilling. Am I the only person who remembers that commercial??
OK, EASILY my favorite Hitchcock movie so far (though I’m sadly only halfway through apparently). It seemed … less Hitchcockian in some ways? Less overbearing, less tracking shots and psychedelic things. I actually really liked this movie, which may say something about me … though not anything my friends haven’t already said. And Anthony Perkins was a revelation. I know that’s probably not the right word for a guy who’s been dead for 25 years and who starred in this movie 57 years ago, but lordy. That man was good.
Stars: Sandra Dee, John Gavin, Juanita Moore, Lana Turner
Released: 1959
Rated: NR
What I “know”: I kind of cheated and had read the sleeve, or a close facsimile thereof, when Netflix’s original shipment to me was lost and I wanted to know if I wanted to wait for a new one or just move it down my queue. So I know it’s about a white mother who ends up living with a black woman and her daughter. I’m interested to see how it was handled in 1959.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: Lora, a white widow with a daughter, and Annie, a black single mother, move in together and face a huge challenge as they try to raise their children. Annie’s daughter favors her light-skinned father and comes to resent her mother’s black identity.
Well, now I’m even more intrigued. Not only is it about race relations, but it’s about identifying within the spectrum of being a black American. Also, I took the stars off the IMDB page, and it only listed three white people. WTF? So I found out who played Annie and added her. She’s one of the main stars, IMDB! P.S. I chose the 1959 version. Was unaware there was a 1934 version until afterward.
Trailer!
(Edit: I added the trailer after watching the movie, and man, they really focused on the wrong part of this movie.)
Even the intro screen, where you choose “play,” only shows the three white actors. Damn, 1959. Also, quick note, the white woman is widowed but the black woman is just a single mother? Yeesh. At least in the opening credits, Juanita Moore gets to be “And Presenting,” which is nice.
1:13: Oooh, Mahalia Jackson sings in this? Sweetness.
4:45: Well, that’s a meet-cute! White mother misplaces her child at a very crowded beach, black woman finds her, reports it to the cops, AND buys her a hot dog? How adorable. And now the two little girls have run off to destroy other people’s makeout sessions under the guise of playing tag.
5:50: So I obviously don’t know Annie Johnson’s whole backstory, and I appreciate her willingness to just roll with the “yes, she’s really my daughter” conversation, but how she ended up in Coney Island when she sounds like she’s from South Georgia … did they make all black actors back then either be southern or uneducated city folks? Either simple, or dangerous? I know it’s hard to watch and try to put myself in that time, as I never lived through it, but it’s off-putting to me.
6:39: Lana Turner is REALLY laid back as the child she thought she’d lost like 2 minutes ago is suddenly giving out their address to a strange man with a camera. Again, more innocent time, I guess, but … yikes.
9:18: So I’m partial to Annie’s daughter, Sarah Jane, since that’s my dog’s name, but they couldn’t even bother finding an actual light-skinned black actress? There’s no part of this girl who looks like she would come from Annie. I get Lora’s confusion now.
11:55: Annie is such a nice person, always smiling, and of course the Southern black woman says to trust in God. What else did I expect from a ’50s movie? I hope they give her some depth.
15:55: So the crazy stalker with the camera from the beach now shows up at the house and somehow knows the girls’ names, and he just scoops up Susie like they’re old pals? Slow your roll there, buddy.
17:31: She says, “I’m a widow” and he immediately gets up and moves next to her and she doesn’t flinch a bit. Then he shows another photo, he took of just her, and it ends with him saying, “Don’t you believe in chasing rainbows?” What a weirdo!
17:53: “My camera could easily have a love affair with you.” No. 1, he’s not talking about his camera. No. 2, she visibly melts. Don’t give into the creepy guy!
24:20: Now she’s being creepily hit on by the gross, slimy agent guy. Why is every man in this movie so horrible?
EDITOR’S NOTE: I started this on Dec. 6 and am now finishing it on Jan. 7. What can I say? I suck. However, when I planned to finish this tonight I thought I was halfway through the movie. Nope. I’m not even 1/4 of the way through the movie. Yikes.)
26:00: So we’re rejoining where she’s basically whoring herself out to this agent to try to get work. All she has to do is apparently be his date to a party, wear some creepy fur coat he keeps in his closet to lure blondes, and put up with his lascivious ways. He honestly said, “I haven’t been seen with a girl without a mink since the heat wave of ’39.” GAG.
26:08: And he just said, “I’m a man of very few principles, and they’re all open to revision.” SO GROSS.
27:27: GROSSSSSS. He just told her he had to sleep with anyone he wanted her to and pose nude for some gross dude who might hypothetically want to paint her naked. I hope this is the last we see of this guy. More Annie, please!
28:06: And in a not-so-subtle turn of events, we return to the apartment where Annie and weird beach photographer/stalker guy are sitting at the table, doing Lora’s work for her. Good vs. Evil. Standard stuff.
30:33: Why is she so trusting of the weird beach photographer? I know the movie expects me to have moved past this by now, or maybe not have been bothered by it at all, but it’s weird. HE’S weird. And the amount of Brylcreem or whatever in his hair is making me nauseous.
31:00: SERIOUSLY. “You’re so good for what ails me.” “It’s all part of the Archer service … day or night.” She’s obviously in emotional turmoil, you freak. HAHAHA never mind, Annie came over, gave a subtle head jerk, and he left. God bless Annie. She’s the only logical one in this whole movie, and I’m saying that about someone who moved in with a stranger who lost her kid on a beach.
33:50: OK, so Sarah Jane is somewhat spoiled for being a previously homeless child. But imagining what it must have been like back then, and to have “passed” with no one figuring it out … and then your obviously black mother walks into your classroom with your boots and umbrella. How betrayed she must have felt. I don’t even really blame her for the outburst at her mom, because kids suck.
36:08: “How do you explain to your child she was born to be hurt?” Oh, Annie Johnson, how your words and gentle voice cut me.
36:44: She just called stalker man “darling.” This is what I’m talking about with old movies. Like four scenes together ago, he was a stranger taking pictures of her kid. Now he’s her man? With no actual plot development to that point? They haven’t even kissed!
37:25: AND NOW HE’S PROPOSING? Cripes.
38:17: So the dude proposes and then, less than a minute later is all, “No need working. You sucked at acting. I figured you’d have given up on that by now.” UGH.
40:43: Conveniently, she gets offered a job while making out with him in the hallway. And this jerkwad is all “Nope.” Thank goodness she kind of stood up to him. I hate this guy so much.
49:35: So she sucks at this bit part, tells the writer the scene is terrible, gets bumped up to a bigger part, rocks it, and now the writer’s hitting on her too? God, didn’t any man in the ’40s keep it in his pants?
51:00: She wouldn’t sleep with the agent for work, but will sleep with the writer since he’ll do more plays with her? #situationalslut
55:49: So that Caucasian/Mexican actress is supposed to play a light-skinned young black woman? Her name is Susan Kohner and she apparently got an Oscar nom for this role, so I’m supposing she does it well.
58:06: Lora starred in every one of her boyfriend/husband/whatever’s plays for like 10 years, made him a ton of money. Now she wants to do a dramatic turn and he acts like a petulant child. These men are all the worst. I hope Lora and Annie go lesbian and live happily ever after.
59:18: At least he went to go see her show? But so did stalker guy, who’s been stalking her at all her shows. And now he’s like ‘look, I don’t need you, I got a lady’ … classic stalker move.
1:02:32: That whole “Stalker guy seeing Sarah Jane after 10 years” introduction was REALLY creepy. It got a little more normal, but still weird. Don’t be gross about a girl who was 8, weirdo.
1:06:29: “You know I still have you in my blood, don’t you?” STOP IT, STALKER.
1:10:30: So Sarah Jane snuck out of the house to hang out with her white boyfriend and is now talking about like running away with him so he never meets her mother and realizes she’s black? A.) She’s 18. B.) If they get married and have kids, she doesn’t think he should know that his children are biracial? “I don’t want anybody to know her.” I feel actually kind of bad for her, no matter how terrible she is.
1:12:02: Steve leaves because Lora just put his trip around the world behind her meeting with a film director’s representative. Good! You do you, Lora!
1:14:57: OK, the bullshit Sarah Jane just pulled with her talk of mammies and massas in front of Lora’s agent and the director’s rep made me feel less bad for her. I mean, yes, Annie has been a glorified house servant through this whole movie. But Lora also put a roof over their heads and she really, truly cares about Annie and Sarah Jane. That was just disrespectful.
1:18:24: I WAS NOT PREPARED for the dropping of the n-word. Man, you don’t really realize how you don’t hear that word on TV or in movies in that usage until it’s dropped on you out of nowhere.
1:18:47: Was also not prepared for the full-on beating Sarah Jane’s boyfriend just gave her. Jesus.
Warning: This is graphic.
1:23:42: Man, Lora is tone deaf. Sure, Susie’s disappointed she’s leaving. But Stalker Steve was so excited and surprised to see her, she gets a telegram saying she can still do the movie and she’s all “Hey, Steve, since that whole trip around the world thing might not happen for you, can you watch my daughter while I run off to do a movie?” I mean, I’m still #teamlora in terms of her career and doing it while she can, but man, you’ve got Annie. Don’t ask the guy whose heart you broke twice to take care of your kid while you’re an absentee mother!
1:29:45: OMG. So Susie’s in love with Stalker Steve, and Sarah Jane’s off dancing in a club for money? Good lord, these girls need parenting!
1:33:13: OK, the last comment was out of line. Annie’s done what she can with Sarah Jane, but she’s legally an adult. And I’m pretty sure in this last scene, after they leave the club and Sarah Jane runs off … she just literally broke her mother’s heart. And by literally, I mean figuratively.
1:42:46: I hope Sarah Jane goes home. That whole scene with Annie showing up in her hotel room and SJ finally breaking down and calling her “mama” was heartbreaking.
1:47:53: So now Lora is marrying Steve, and Susie’s upset. Maybe her and Steve should be together, what with them both being delusional weirdos and all.
1:51:19: “You’ve given me everything but yourself.” Oh, Susie, STFU.
1:53:36: No, Annie, you can’t die. Don’t die, Annie. (I passed on the easy “Dirty Diana” reference here because it felt cheap.)
1:54:44: Annie, the only actual human in this whole movie, just said, “Tell her I know I was selfish.” NO, ANNIE. NO, YOU WERE NOT.
1:58:14: I guess if I’d thought about it, and known Mahalia Jackson hadn’t shown up yet, I probably could have put this together. Dammit, Annie, you were the only truly good person in this whole flick.
(So the only clip I found of her from the movie was only 32 seconds long, so here’s the whole song, because everyone should listen to Mahalia.)
2:01:21: Sorry for your loss, Sarah Jane, but you kind of killed her, you know?
2:01:54: “Miss Lora, I killed my mother.” OK, at least she knows. Now I feel bad for the snark.
2:02:46: So totally out of left field, but it’s a sea of people saying goodbye to Annie, and there’s this one kid with his back turned to it, staring at a cake in a window. WTF? I laughed a little, I’m sorry.
The movie ended on the funeral? That’s weird, but totally awesome. I’m glad. Annie was, by far, the star of this whole movie. Stalker Steve got it right when he referred to her as “everyone’s Rock of Gibraltar.” I will say, this movie was much more a roller coaster of emotion than I expected. I was torn, at times, as to how I felt about almost everyone, except Annie (and Stalker Steve, but that’s probably just me). I can’t imagine what life was like in that time for a young woman like Sarah Jane, who only saw a way out of the life her mother had led. Or what it would have been like growing up with an absentee mom, like Susie did. While some of the scenes were straight-up old Hollywood overacted, and even the vagaries were somewhat clichés, I was glad they showed different sides of so many different characters. That’s not always a given. Two thumbs up!
