Stars: Richard Dreyfuss, Teri Garr, Francois Truffaut
Rated: PG
Released: 1977
What I “know”: It’s about aliens? Or at least a spaceship. No clue. I don’t know what the third kind means, or how many kinds there are. I have so many questions. But I like Richard Dreyfuss, so we’ll see how many he can answer.
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “Richard Dreyfuss still shines as Roy Neary, a cable worker who investigates a power outage and encounters a mysterious light from above. Teri Garr and beloved French auteur Francois Truffaut co-star.” Well, I actually didn’t learn anything from this sleeve, which is actually a good thing. No spoilers yet! P.S. I have no idea who Francois Truffaut is, but I’ve now typed his name three times, so let’s hope he’s worth the effort.
1:35: Well that’s some very menacing music to start out. Did this thing win an Oscar for sound or anything? Answer: Google tells me it won for “sound effects editing” which is not the same thing, but still good for Frank E. Warner, apparently.
2:45: OK, so guys climb out of a jeep in “modern day” Mexico and after seeing the guy at the gate, I gotta tell you, the dental care in Mexico in 1977 was not fantastic.
4:01: I have no idea what is happening in this movie. They’re in Mexico, talking to a French guy, in a sandstorm, and then someone runs up and says “THEY’RE ALL THERE. ALL OF THEM.” and they all take off. I spend most of my life confused, so it’s not an unusual feeling, but a movie generally take a little longer to just … be weird?
4:40: Oh, planes. I guess to go up and look for the aliens? I don’t know. But if they’re doing safety checks on these things, they’re not being very thorough. Quick once-over, then they all just start climbing up on them. Godspeed, gentlemen.
5:24: So all of these planes have been missing for 30 years (Jesus Christ, when this movie was made, they were closer to 1945 than we are to 1977. That’s just jarring, as someone who was born in 1976) and they just showed up, together, in some Mexican junkyard? WHAT IS HAPPENING? This isn’t Richard Dreyfuss finding a power outage. I now wish the sleeve had been a LITTLE more spoiler-y.
5:40: The mapmaking translator just said “I don’t understand!” and I just said, out loud, alone save my pets, “I feel you, bro.”
9:38: I do not have the disposition, attention span, focus or dedication required to work in air traffic control. That is finalized after seeing that scene where all four of them were talking in like a one-square-foot area in three different conversations. Nope.
11:43: Those cymbal-clanging monkey toys always freaked me out. Now I know why. And man, I can’t imagine just letting a kid sleep with his window wide open like that. Sign of the times, I guess.
11:50: RUN AWAY NOW, KID. DON’T JUST SIT THERE AND WATCH YOUR TOYS COME TO LIFE.
13:00: OK, this scene is way less cute than when E.T. was in the fridge.
14:35: On what planet is a mom woken up by toys, finds her kid out of his bedroom, then calmly walks over to her window instead of screaming and looking through the house, then sees him outside for no reason and is just like “Barry?” Then watches him run away.Terrible mother.
15:47: Here’s how flighty I am: The guy tells Dreyfuss to get to the Gilmore substation and I instantly think, “God I could be watching Gilmore Girls for the third time right now.” My friend is actually watching it for the first time and texting me throughout and I want nothing more than to go watch Luke and Lorelai date and kiss and the horoscope and dance and fight and make up and oh yeah, there’s a movie. Sorry.
But wait, first this (pardon the subtitles):
(That’s two Gilmore embeds in six movie reviews. I might have an issue. Then again, they did a LOT of pop culture references so there may be more. No promises.)
18:05: Oh, NOW the mom is yelling his name. Good work, mom. By the time you have to put on shoes and grab a flashlight and wander through the woods, you’ve already failed.
19:11: Dreyfuss yelling out “TURKEY!” then driving off while still holding his map up in front of his face with two hands is amazing. Pretty sure that counts as distracted driving.
20:01: Uh, I think he’d notice if those super bright lights were behind him and then disappeared and never passed him. Levitating cars still aren’t a thing, because “Back to the Future” is a bunch of lies.
20:20: OK, so first it was like electronic things that were affected and now it’s just anything metal? Those mailboxes aren’t supposed to do that.
21:06: I think Dreyfuss’s “aw, shit” is the most understated reaction possible in that situation. You’re levitating, your trucks getting sucked up, everything around you is going to hell and he’s all “Well, poop.”
22:22: Look, I know shock is a thing. I was in shock once. Looking back, my reactions to a situation were WAY improper and out of character. But I can’t ever imagine a situation where I look up in the sky and see a VERY stereotypical UFO and just kind of … watch it.
22:43: BUT HE SCREAMS AT A FLASHLIGHT? Get a grip, Dreyfuss. Methinks you’ve got a few bigger things to worry about.
24:33: OK, there’s a weird dude in a flannel shirt whistling and a truck full of orphans when little Barry comes jogging up a deserted road? This feels like the bear scene in “The Shining.” My first real, actual, “What the eff is that doing there?” moment.
25:31: Um, spaceships do drive-bys?
25:55: “This is nuts.” I’m telling you, Dreyfuss is the king of understatement. How is EVERYONE not just pooping their pants right now?
26:51: God bless the toll man, trying to get his quarters from the cops after getting buzzed by some flying things.
27:04: I just laughed my ass off at the cop straight up driving off the side of the road chasing the flying things that aren’t bound by things like roads and fences and gravity. RIP, stupid cop.
28:47: And my second laugh-out-loud moment … the little girl sleeping ass up in bed.
29:34: “Hey, I just saw aliens. I’m going to drive my whole family right to them!” — no one but Dreyfuss ever.
31:08: DAMMIT NEWSPAPER. “UFO’s” is not the plural of UFO. Come on, now. And then Teri Garr cuts it out and crumples it up so that, what? Dreyfuss will forget it happened? Yeesh.
34:45: Apparently “being bathed in alien light” is not an excusable work absence. I’ll file that away.
37:56: If there are ever reports of alien ships being visible, I will NOT be one of the ones outside waiting to see them. Trust.
39:50: Wait, now we’re in India? This is like a less cohesive “Pulp Fiction.”
45:00: Oh, globes. Does anyone have a globe any more? I always liked globes like in elementary school; spin it real fast, put your finger down and that’s where you’d live someday. Mine never worked out well, though. Maybe it’s good they’re gone.
46:56: So, aliens like mountainscapes and simple melodies. Got it.
47:27: A.) Barry is a creepy-looking little kid. I said it. Most kids are creepy looking, but he’s raising the bar. B.) When his mom goes outside to throw out all the mountainscapes she’s been drawing (and I’m sure doesn’t know WHY that’s what she’s drawing, he manages to basically lick the entirety of the bottom of his face while staring at her out the window. Then she hears giggling, turns back around, and he’s gnawing on his fingers like me with Papa John’s breadsticks. Weird, weird kid.
50:49: I said, out loud, ‘Oh HELL no’ at the sight of the screw loosening on the floor grate.
51:24: I swear, my inability to understand children under 4 or 5 years old never seemed like that much of an issue. I always had their mothers around where I could just “oh really?” and then look at them and they’ll say “She likes unicorns” or something, then I could follow up. But I have no idea what this little freak is yammering on about.
51:32: I’d like a self-propelled vacuum, please. And yes, I know about Roombas, but I don’t want to spend $400 on one. Just one of these 1970s uprights that will zoom around and clean for me.
52:22: She literally just let her kid crawl out the doggy door because she’s too freaked out. Called it pretty early: Terrible mom.
52:40: OMG, the weird box thing that opened up and spurted water was a dishwasher? How did you people live back then?
55:16: “Excuse me, sir, but I didn’t want to see this.” Your behavior after that somewhat betrays that thought, Dreyfuss.
56:30: What I’m taking from this, as with most things involving governmental agencies, is not to trust what the government tells you. Sometimes it’s too protect vital information, sometimes it’s to cover their own asses and sometimes it’s for public safety. But … it’s almost never the whole truth.
57:25: Loving the matching red sateen onesies on this band of marauders who just bussed in and out.
58:58: Apparently, don’t trust Piggly Wiggly or Baskin-Robbins either!
1:03:28: Methinks Dreyfuss needs to talk to someone and not use his kids as his therapist to work this out. Just putting that out there.
1:06:54: Holy shit, Dreyfuss. Stop throwing plants and dirt into your kitchen. You know, I never really wanted to encounter aliens before (aside from The Doctor, but that’s a different story all together) but now I really don’t. I feel like my crazy level is way too high to be let out.
1:09:00: This whole meltdown scene is crazy uncomfortable, but his “I’m perfectly fine” is truly frightening.
1:09:38: If I know nothing from my time at ESPN, those birds would be attacking the hell out of everyone in a 50-foot radius. Sure, those were Canadian geese, but those things were a hazard.
1:12:00: Holy shit, Dreyfuss! Look, I assume that seeing a UFO and being bathed in its light and all that could affect someone, I get that. But this dude needs to be institutionalized, like freaking yesterday.
1:12:55: I wanted to revisit my snark from his earlier “I didn’t want to see this.” I was referencing him then going out looking for the ships. But now I get it.
1:14:23: LOOK TO YOUR LEFT, DREYFUSS, LOOK AT THE TV. Cripes. The Devil’s Tower stuff is RIGHT THERE. Now get on the road!
1:15:25: There we go. I hope him and Terrible Mom get there and realize they’re soulmates and poor Teri Garr gets to end her suffering and go marry Michael Keaton.
1:17:20: CARL WEATHERS. Apollo Creed is on the case!
1:19:07: SOULMATES.
1:31:11: I think French guy said “It’s an event psychological.” Between the kid and the French guy, this is tough. Not “A Clockwork Orange” tough to understand, but you know.
1:32:00: They just ran through a military base, passed like 50 people, and they get through without even a tackle attempt? Shenanigans.
1:37:27: “They’re just cropdusting!” Oh, Murray, you were unimportant anyway. Enjoy your slumber and your splitting headache.
1:42:05: Apparently all they needed was a runway? That’s how you lure the aliens in?
1:42:45: They look like floating muppet heads!!
1:45:00: They’re all high-fiving for playing music and making one do flips? Premature, fellas. Premature.
1:48:12: OK, huge dork alert, but all the ships coming in reminded me of the Stonehenge/Pandorica scene of Doctor Who. Also a good excuse to post some Matt Smith, so here.
1:49:45: I know I said the whole “soulmates” thing earlier and all that, but screw Dreyfuss for kissing another woman. Respect your vows, sir!
1:53:16: Re: the guy running to hide in the Port-a-Potty … is that really where you want your last minutes to be? Also, why are there Port-a-Pottys? They built that whole thing on top of a landmark and they didn’t install running water or waste elimination? Poor planning, engineers.
1:56:43: So this “communication” is the engineer version of dueling banjos, right? This leads to the probing?
1:57:05: I lied. This is more like Simon. Man, I was good at Simon, until it got to about 9 or 10. Then I was complete crap.
1:57:37: They literally have no idea what they’re saying. What if what they’re saying is like “Eff you, aliens?” I have many concerns about mimicking alien beings in tonal ways without any understanding of if you’re ramping up the tension.
1:58:04: Well, now the spaceship is just doing the Jaws theme. You should recognize that, Dreyfuss.
2:01:13: Being captured in a spaceship for decades really does wonders for the aging process. I’d consider it.
2:01:34: THEY TOOK A DOG? THOSE MONSTERS. And dammit, the weird kid is back.
2:03:55: Finally Terrible Mom did something right. The ship opens a second time and she heads away from it. Good for you, lady!
2:04:36: Wait, the alien is a stick insect? I wish they hadn’t shown them at all … scarier not knowing what’s inside.
2:04:56: Nope, not a stick insect. Jack Skellington.
2:08:35: OK, I am not even kidding, it took me until RIGHT NOW to realize that Terrible Mom is “A Christmas Story” mom! It’s the part where she’s like wiping her tears and looking mournfully. Jeebus, I feel stupid.
2:10:29: So they haven’t even debriefed the other dudes … they could all be clones, or tragically affected … and they’re just like “Let’s let this schmoe go up with them with no training and no preparation.” Yeesh.
Godspeed, Dreyfuss. I will point out they kept the other dudes for decades but had Weird Kid for like two weeks and were all “We gotta take this one back.” I was told that the special effects would be jarring, watching a 1970s movie after the visual spectacles we have taken for granted now, and they really weren’t .. until the end. The actual spaceship scenes were actually pretty amazingly done, IMO. As for the movie itself … I never really got into it. This was probably my least favorite of the ones I’ve seen, but I thought both Dreyfuss and Truffaut were great. Teri Garr was criminally underused. The ending just felt rushed to me, and there were some questions I had like “So if they were cropdusting with the sleepy powder, why wouldn’t everyone on that platform get some effect of it? Wind exists, you know.” But minor quibbles, really. I can see why this movie was a thing, but it just didn’t connect with me on any sort of level, which is why I finished this 9 days after starting to watch it. I watched it in four segments because I just couldn’t get into it … probably a Catch 22.
Next up: “Roman Holiday!”
