Stars: Armand Assante, Eileen Brennan, Goldie Hawn
Rated: R
Released: 1980
What I “know”: Goldie Hawn joins the Army. I don’t know why, but she does. And high jinks ensue! Also, I just learned that it’s not spelled “hijinks.” I mean, it’s a variant of, but WTF?
What I know after reading the Netflix sleeve: “After her husband drops dead on their wedding night, spoiled society girl Judy Benjamin (Goldie Hawn) decides to join the Army — a choice with consequences both explosive and explosively funny. The situation is mined (no pun intended) for plenty of laughs, but in the end, this classic comedy is about Judy’s inspiring search for identity and independence. Eileen Brennan co-stars as the tough-as-nails captain determined to teach Judy a lesson.”
I LOVE Eileen Brennan. I’m assuming she won’t be dolled up as Mrs. Peacock, which is a real shame.
TRAILER!
00:46: For a split second, I was like “Oh yay, Albert Brooks! I wonder why he wasn’t credited as one of the stars.” Then I remembered I just typed that her husband drops dead on their wedding night. Oops?
1:40: So the other morning, I woke up and was singing “Hava Nagila” for no reason. I am not Jewish. I have never attended a Jewish ceremony where that song would be played. And here it is, in the beginning of this movie. Weird.
8:58: Nothing says 6:30 a.m. like racquetball and deli meat. Yum!
10:45: So not only does her husband die on the wedding night, but she had to have bathroom tile sex? Poor girl.
20:13: Actual sentence I just blurted out, alone, in my house: “Holy shit, that’s the husband from ‘227!'”
26:29: Eileen Brennan’s facial mannerisms as she’s talking to Benjamin for the first time are to die for.
27:24: I will say, if you have to clean the bathroom with a toothbrush, the battery-operated one is probably the way to go. Well done, Benjamin!
30:28: And, “Holy shit, that’s Coach!”
36:05: I laughed out loud at her stuck in the barbed wire fence and her “ow” as they tried to cut her out.
37:04: “I’ve never, in all my born days, met such a whiny candy-ass as you!” Honey, let me try to do ONE day of basic training and you’d be begging for Judy Benjamin to come back. Trust.
39:02: It JUST hit me. I knew I knew her mother. I had to look her up, but y’all, I am not kidding .. I LOVED “Double Trouble” back in the ’80s.
Yes, those ARE the younger sisters of Katey Sagal. I’m so glad all the full episodes are on YouTube. I know what I’m watching next!
58:37: Drunk Eileen Brennan is the best Eileen Brennan. “Let’s not keep in touch, shall we?”
1:01:33: I don’t mean to question the reality of a movie about a rich girl joining the Army and magically winning the big competition, but if they put blue dye in her shower head, it wouldn’t be that dark, it wouldn’t stick that much and it wouldn’t last that long. Just saying.
(Fun fact: There are almost NO clips on YouTube, and only like two gifs on giphy.com. I had to go through a LOT of Benjamin Bratt ones, too. Who needs that many Benjamin Bratt gifs??)
1:02:44: Brennan’s vampirish skin and blue teeth, with her awkward smile, is just the best.
1:07:56: Confession: The French guy said “Baltimore,” but I heard “Voldemort.” I’m only on book 3. No spoilers.
1:10:14: Hey, she had one that lived! Good for you, Benjamin!
1:13:01: Wait, she parlayed lucking into a jeep after not being able to read a map, then tying someone’s underwear around her arm, into a spot in the “Thornbirds?” Like the SEALs? Ugh.
1:17:42: Man, they did not go subtle with the sexual harassment/assault there. Lord. “You know you want it?” Ugh.
1:18:57: “Innuendo? Try rape.” I did NOT expect that. I’m impressed.
1:19:24: Ugh, you can’t just transfer to Europe because of one good lay. Should have gone for the yachts.
1:26:17: So he’s a Communist who doesn’t like women who are too independent? Good choice, Benjamin.
1:32:25: Of course she picked the man. Sigh.
1:35:18: So the guy who stops walking while they’re discussing their wedding because he’s drooling over his ex follows it up with “I want to have a baby with you, but we might not make forever, so please sign this prenup?” Oh, Benjamin, you chose SO poorly.
1:36:27: Why would she sign something she can’t even read???
1:38:30: He’s telling you what color hair to have and that you wanting a career is nonsensical? RUN, BENJAMIN.
1:39:04: She looks like a carrot with that hair. Actually, she looks like Shelley Long in “Troop Beverly Hills.”
1:43:39: I mean, clearly she doesn’t marry the guy. This isn’t the kind of movie where she marries the guy. But if someone doesn’t punch him in the face by the time this is over, I’m going to be really let down.
1:46:13: MUAHAHAHAHAHAH I didn’t actually expect anyone to punch him in the face, but cripes, that was perfect. I love that whole thing.
I really liked that movie. It wasn’t as slapstick as I thought it would be, which was good. And I’m glad it wasn’t two hours of “look at her screwing up at basic” because that would have been boring. Henri is the worst person (next to her dad, who, let’s be honest, is the reason she’s been so messed up to start with).
Next up: “Out of Africa!” (Back to Redfordtown … about time)
No Comments